The Tree Of Life

Understanding why we are unhappy, confused, depressed, unsatisfied as we get older, is the key to being able to make peace with ourselves, allowing us to never blame, compare or judge others but define who we really are as individuals. Life is a journey but most of us get stuck in a pattern we pick up and learn by modelling on the behaviours and traditions of our parents. It’s amazing how many people copy the family tradition of Christmas then pass it down the generations, even though half the time it’s not what they would like to be doing or can afford to do. If your memory as a child of Christmas is all about having a terrible time, chances are you will over compensate when you have your own kids by going over the top and creating a monster you have to keep up forever, otherwise they get disappointed.

Coping and modelling on others is all we have when we are children as we become fused into the same emotions. What we copy eventually becomes our own template for life when we get older but this template belongs to someone else, so very often makes us miserable and unsatisfied with our own life. I watched an amazing movie the other evening called The Tree Of Life by Terrence Malick. This film is the perfect example of what conflicting contradictory messages children learn about life from their parents and how these behaviours impact and mould the pathway for their future. If you tell your child to not put his elbows on the table when eating, yet you are doing this exact behaviour when delivering the message, the child will always question why for you its ok to do but not for them.

If we are to be happy and successful in life we have to learn skills as early as possible, not copy bad behaviour and habits of others. Getting ourselves into massive debt to out do a Christmas you cannot really afford, just because that’s what you have always done, is not passing on truth to your children. If you cannot afford to have a big over the top celebration, don’t feel bad or left out, do something completely new like volunteer to help feed the homeless or old people who are alone. Christmas is not about money, gifts, over indulging, getting pissed, getting into debt, its about having a rest and enjoying time with family and friends, something money can never buy.

When I had everything materially I would always buy my way back into the family fold at Christmas by going over the top with expensive presents. I was always passing through on the way to somewhere hot and exotic so never had the time to give to them. These days as I get older and wiser I understand that money is a means to an end and nothing is more valuable than giving my time. We never know when those we love will not be around anymore so now I am in awe at the mysterious inevitability of loving, and losing those we love.